"ungloomy"

Ok... since my last entry was... well... gloomy... I would like to make this one.... well... "ungloomy". I have come to the realization, thanks to a special someone (and no tome of sarcasm there, I am really thankful) that I have been left behind. Left behind by time, technology, my own thoughts and actions. My mind runs at 120mph and I haven't had the time to update myself, my being and my productivity. I was told that I have many great ideas, and I do, but I never see them to completion. It's like I am already satisfied with just coming out of the idea, which, for obvious reasons, should not be the case. But hey, if it was that easy to do, then there wouldn't be any need for this dilemma wouldn't we? You see, the problem is, I seem not to follow my own advice. Maybe just like any body else? Why is it so hard for a person to follow their own advice? Isn't that the usual problem? You always know what to say to other people on the exact same situation that you might b going through yourself but you can't really take your own advice for it. Is it because the reality of the risk imposed is onto us and not to others? Is it because we know that if we fail we have no one else to blame but ourselves? Is it because it is hard to accept that your own advice was a failure? Or is it because we do not really know what life is all about?
I kinda think I just answered my own questions. Either way, I am going to slow down my mind and update myself, and maybe see my ideas come to completion.

better than me....

I would like to think that I am good at what I do and that I do a better job than most people... but I guess some people are just better than me. I recently had an interview for a part-time desktop publishing job... was supposed to get a call back yesterday, Friday. Well... today is Saturday. I guess you could say that the phone call never happened. It's a little bit frustrating to think that they found someone better for a part-time desktop publishing job. That is like one of the lowest for-experience or for-resume type of graphic job a person can get, and yet.. apparently... I still wasn't good enough. Someone was still better than me. It is now September. I've been to a few interviews, from different places (actually states) and different positions. Sent out a lot of resumes, probably close to thirty... filled out multiple applications on-line or in paper at the office... updated my portfolio and email samples for those who required them... rewritten (or tweaked is a better term) my "CV" a few times to meet certain requirements... and yet... somehow... a person, somehow, better than me... applied for the same job and apparently.. hired (since I was not). I would like to think that I am a hard worker, a skilled worker... a "better than me" type. People say I should try harder... some people say maybe it is just not meant to be. I just hate the fact that it somehow seems that I am not better than anybody.... I want the time to come when some one will write an anonymous blog or even think quietly... in their own thoughts... about me... a person better than them.

sheesshhh..

that was long...
good luck reading....

okay.. what should we do today?

Oh Dayng!!!!
April... May... June... July... August... almost September....
Talk about a lag... ahahahahaha!!!!! Days literally became weeks that literally became months! Story of my life... but hey, now is better than never. And I am back and I am ticking... tick.. tick... tick.. boom!!!!
Doesn't make sense? Well, it's not supposed to. It just so happens that I was listening to that song right at that moment. I guess that's how my life has been lately, taking in what the right then moment gives me. Actually gets a little tiring... correction.. have gotten tiring. Hence, the blogging, something that breaks my normal (or abnormal) everyday unaccomplished-ness (i just made a word, another accomplishment). But it is true, lately I have been fluctuating with accomplished and non-accomplished days. Which has been better than most (meaning the months of unaccomplished-ness) there's the word again (it's catching on to me)!
Let's take today for example, I finally got my car ready for inspection (via taking my so called illegal reflective tint... toothbrushing the adhesive off the glass.. yes i used an old toothbrush... and covering my rear signal lights with a red grocery bag so they are not plain white) and then got my car to the inspection site to finally get my inspection sticker renewed (duh jeck! what else do you do at the inspection site) "duh, side thought... fail the inspection of course like what happened the first time that's why I had to do all those things i just said". But like i said, I finally got it renewed. 2 more graceful years for my dear sunshine (that is the name of my 11 year old car, by the way). And then..... I got an express lube job (oil change.. ehem) with a high-mileage synthetic oil and I thank my dear wifey for patiently waiting with me through both processes. Got home, took a shower and then headed off to Frenchtown, New Jersey (Home of the "two buttons" warehouse/store) with Len, my sister. my wife and my unstoppable nephew. Visit them at www.twobuttons.com. You really should, everything there is so touching. According to my sister, she learned about the place form this author of eat,pray,love. Honestly, I have never heard of the book but after seeing the store and hearing the stories now I want to read it too! Took some very interesting pictures at the store (reviving my artistic side). And then... we decided to go around the town before heading home. Not too far from the two buttons store was the amazing town central. It was very old english, full of character and nice people. Then we crossed the frenchtown bridge to Pennnnnnnnnnssylvania! With the Delaware river underneath, I felt so surreal even though it was just a bridge. I just never thought of going around doing things on my normal day off from work. Thanks to my sister, my day was.. well... delightfully different. (notice the eloquence?). Had an Ice cream at a cafe, took some pictures and then stopped by a farm market on the way home. Grabbed some Sweet Jersey Corn (which by the way are the best!!!!) took some more pictures with my fun-filled nephew and then finally headed home after he got scared of the rain (for some reason he is still afraid of the rain). On the way home, we saw my brother's van at the golf course, I thought maybe he was at the driving range which can be seen from the parking lot so i decided to drive by and maybe say hi and put my nephew's hope of seeing his dad way high that when we found out that he was actually at the course playing and cannot be seen from the parking lot, my nephew started crying uncontrollably (is that a word? that i would be ashamed of inventing) and inconsolably (another one).. Finally found a way to make him feel better when finally got home and he saw his mom. Went out again to buy dinner (popeyes.. sorry dad) had dinner with the family and spent some quality time with my wifey and went online to do some much needed research and then this! booyah!!!! one very accomplished day... so tomorrow.. i am going to start my day with my nephew's famous phrase... "Okay, What should we do today?"

how it came to be...

At one point... I think I became too complacent with life... My reality became all but a series of "nows" that passed by so quickly I could not even force my self to look back... orlook forward....no matter how I much I thought about it... I readin a book that a person should think positive thoughts to attract positive energy in one's life and bring inpostivie things... if this is true... then I should be the welathies, happiest person alive... I always have postive thoughts... but I guess there must be something that is blocking my attraction to postive energy at some point... story of my life...

success...

I just thought of asking... What does it take to be successful? Is it determination? Intelligence? Hard-work? A degree? An opportunity? Knowing the right people? Being in the right place at the right time? Being able to sacrifice and push yourself? A combination of two, three, four or all of them? Maybe it is all of them...or maybe not. The guys who created facebook and myspace were 20 somethings when they started out and ended up being worth millions. I currently read a high end magazine were most of the staff were accomplished 20 somethings who are all probably headed for more success in their life. Len was teling me about a person she knew who was about my age, now a highly paid nurse but a lost-soul failed-grade-student back in high school. How For some it comes so easy almost natural,and for some.... it eludes them like the day eludes the night. What makes the difference? What does it take to be inspired and commited? I guess the questions will never end... and the answers are definitely hard to find. Or maybe I'm just speaking based on personal experience... I know I have yet to find my success formula. I know it is out there and I am looking for it... anxiously looking for it. I have my inspiration, and I have my determination. I am willing to make sacrifice and push myself to the limit. I am looking for the opportunity and I am networking to meet the right people. Pretty soon... It will come... success will come... not for me...but for my family.

time did go by....

Whoa!!! I told myself I would not let days go by without this blog being blogged... but here it is... a testament to my procastinaity ( I think I just invented a word)... days went... no blog... so here it is... blogging...
Not too long ago... I was planning to start a business... I told some of my friends about it and they were interested... and now... It is still... all... but a plan. Here is where my problem begins. I have a lot of plans... I want to do a lot of things... and yet I do not know where to begin... or do I just lack the motivation. I did thought I had the motivation... I just have to keep reminding myself... why... how.. and to do it... to just do it... do it.. do it... do it... because plans.. with no actions.. are useless... and right now... that is what my mind is.. useless... ahahahaha!!! So much for self praise.
The hardest part is gainign experience... I heard a lot of people say "how will I get experience if no one is willing to give it to me".. and you know what... I am one of them.. thinking that if I was given the opportunity to learn that I could excel... but that opporutnity is hard to get... so I figured why not get it myself... which is harder to do... I found out.
What is to be considered an experience anyway? Years of education, a bachelor's degree.... but arent there a lot of self taught people who managed to build a business empire without a degree... so which one is the real experience? job experience... can be described in a lot of ways... because no 2 jobs are the same no matter what the job description might be... because no 2 person will handle the same job the same way... or is it just the title?
I am sort of making useless ramblings right now.. but atleast I am activating my mind...
ahhhhhhh... my brain is working... I guess it was not so useless afterall...

I want...

I want to write a book... Not just any book but a best seller... Something that will be a mainstay at the Best Choice table at Barnes and Noble. I want to write and direct a short indie film... not just any film... But something that will be very thought provoking yet touching with a very artistic approach. A film that will be a first choice for school film showing and paper reviews. I want to create...to design... somethignt taht people would be amazed of.... not just because of it's beauty... but because of its functionality, practicality, purpose, meaning and servitude... something that people would remember and pass on to their children... I want to start my own company... not just any company... but something that will benefit well not just the employees or the investors but the environment and the community the same. A company that will last a long time even after I'm gone because of it's values and honesty. I want to make my family proud... not just because I am family... But because I was able to make something of myself... I want to give a good life to my family... my mom and dad,my wife, my siblings, my own children... I want to give them the best the world has to offer... I want to accomplish something my family would ultimately be proud of... maybe not soon... but hopefully not never... better later... but not never...

absolutely nothing...

what should I be writing...absolutely nothing!
it's one of those days when you think about a lot of stuff that you can't focus on onething to actually process the thought to your mind. You jump from one thought to the other, you want to start one thing but ended up doing another... one of those days.
I have to get one thing done. I have to force it upon myself to break a bad cycle. So here I am, writing this blog. A testament to completing something... from absolutely nothing.
One thing done... of to another!
Something out of nothing! Off to making somethings....

why today...

today... I start this blog... would I be able to keep it up.. today... I decided I will...
today... I am not just trying... but I'm working on my website up...would I be able to keep it up to date... today... I decided I will...
today... I am paying much attention to detail... to make things right the first time... to spend the right amount of time on doing something right... to finish something I would totally be proud of... would i really be able to do that? today... I decided I will...

Have I ever thought about these things before? Of course! Obviously this is not the first time. Heck! How many times in a person's life do we decide that we are going to set things right from that day on and how many times do we actually stick to it? A lot... is all i can say. What's the difference witht today? well..I'm just not thinking about it, I'm actually doing it. My dreams on paper, or should i say... on digital. My goals set and all my efforts set to it.

Why today? Hmmm... that I really could not give a definite answer though I wanted to. I guess it may have to do witht the fact that I am now 26, my life had been fairly easy (actually reeally easy), I am married, I have a job, but somehow, I am not where I want to be. I feel... well... unaccomplished. So today, I decided to learn more. Not just about myself but the things I really want, the things that would make my wife, my family and myself proud of me.

I have a dream... I have many dreams... and this is just the first step to making them all a reality. And I do hope that it gets tough, that there would be times that I'd be frustrated and almost quitting, and in the process I do hope that I realized that nothing comes easy.... and I deserve what it is I make of my self.

Today...is a new day...and today will last forever... I'm not hoping for it... I am going to work really hard for it!!!

well.. welcome to my blog.... and read the mind of a dreamer....